SIBLING RIVALRY

There they are again, fighting and screaming over that same stuffed animal and the last slice of pizza. You had to play a referee between them how many times? It is exhausting. You're angry, exhausted, and sadly you simply do not want your children to keep fighting each other. But how long do you think it'll last? Does the rivalry among siblings have long term implications for children's relationship with one another? There's nothing unusual or even unavoidable about rivalry between siblings. I think it is important to note, though you can reduce some of the arguing, this will never be completely eliminated. Sibling rivalry describes the inevitable competition and animosities between siblings. Such a relationship is common in close relationships between siblings who are not blood related, and it may also happen when larger age gaps exist among siblings of similar ages. Rather than a onetime conflict about who gets better grades or that very prized toy, sibling rivalry often explodes consistently and in some cases without any obvious common denominator. There is a rivalry between siblings, which consists in competitiveness, conflict and jealousy. There may be biological siblings involved, but there may also be stepsiblings, adopted siblings, and foster siblings. While common in childhood, it often affects adult sibling relationships as well.

Sibling rivalry isn't always outgrown in childhood. It only becomes more intense over time in some cases. While some people think of siblings' quarrels as childhood phenomena, it is a common phenomenon in which adult siblings are trying to get on each other's nerves and have arguments or be out of touch with one another.

Understanding the possible reasons for family quarreling is a first step in dealing with such disputes. Maybe your kids don't fight because one of the toys is better or a larger piece of cake. Rather, most of the conflicts are caused by underlying causes such as birth order and family dynamics. Siblings squabble because of jealousy, competition, conflicting needs and temperaments, and sometimes out of boredom or even as a way to connect with one another or gain attention from you. When jealousy, competition and conflict occur between brothers and sisters, it is known as the Sibling Conflict. In practice, you'll find it in situations like name calling, teasing merciless or bullying, quarrels, hitting each other, resentment and constant complaints of unfair treatment.

There are other advantages to brothers and sisters' rivalry, trust me. It can help children to learn how to deal with conflicts of power, compromise, manage and resolve them, set boundaries or behave in a certain way. In conclusion, it is not aimed at eliminating the rivalry between siblings. The aim is to maximize the potential benefits for rivalry among siblings by using conflicts as a learning moment.

Dealing with a rivalry between siblings can be frustrating, tiring and upsetting to parents. The majority of parents dream their kids are loving, kind and supportive to each other. To reduce the conflict among brothers and sisters, use these strategies to help bond your children with each other!

Stay calm, quiet and in control

If you want to intervene in a situation before it starts, pay attention to what your children are doing. Keep calm, and your kids are going to learn it as well.

Family Set Up

Let's gather our family and have a word with each other to give everyone an opportunity to make up their minds. This gives us a chance to devise rules of the house that can be agreed on by family members. Rules related to sibling conflict may include no hitting, using words to solve the problem, asking before using something that belongs to someone else, calling each other by their names. To remind everyone of their commitment to family happiness and health, these rules should be displayed in an open space such as the kitchen. Creating common family values such as honor, kindness and support for one another is also helpful. One of the best ways to ensure unity and direction within your family is to create a family manifesto. This strategy will be far more powerful again by involving children in the creation process.

Family dinners, playing board games, spending time at the park, participating in sports, watching movies, and engaging in other activities are excellent ways for youngsters to form bonds and share fond memories. Kids are less apt to quarrel with each other, and they're more interested in spending time with you when things go wrong. Explain to the children, your family's like a team. And like any good team, everyone mom, dad, and the kids needs to work together to have a peaceful and loving home. It can damage the entire team or family if any members of the family are fighting.

Create a cooperative environment

Try not to compare your children, favor one over another, or encourage competition between them. By giving them the freedom to play together, investigate their own curiosity and share time with you, we can create opportunities for cooperation and compromise. Remember that, too, you should set a good example. An example of how a child should interact is the way parents interact with each other. If your children see that you or your partner slam doors or have loud arguments, they are more likely to do the same and see it as a proper way of handling their issues. Set a good example for the children to follow.

Celebrate individuality

You should not compare the children, and ensure that your children are treated with equal respect. When children feel you respect them as individuals, they're less likely to fight. Be careful of labels and tell all the children that they are unique to you by spending time with them on their own. If one child loves to run around outside, grab your sneakers and soak up the sunshine with them. If the other child likes to spend time reading their favorite book, snuggle up next to them. Next, make sure that everyone's space and time is available to them on their own. Each baby has a unique set of abilities and weaknesses. To celebrate their individuality, without making them feel like they're in a constant battle with each other. Make sure you don't say things like: "Your sister always works hard and gets good grades." Why can't you? If a child thinks his uniqueness is valued, he will be less likely to engage in conflict.

Treat kids fairly, not equally

When it comes to sibling conflict and rivalry, being fair and equal is not necessarily the same thing. Fairness is an essential principle for parents, but it does not always mean equal treatment. For your children, punishment and rewards should be adjusted according to their individual needs. You don't need to give two kids the same toy, for example. Instead, give them other toys that are appropriate to their age and interests. It's going to take a long time to get this kind of fairness. To explain why decisions were made in a certain way, try to be fair in your decisions and spend time with your children. Children are often better prepared for change if they can get a sense of why the decision was made

Listen to both sides of the story

In the sibling rivalry, there'll be two sides to each story. Let each child feel as if they're being listened to, so long as there is no judgement or interruption. Sometimes children find it much easier to talk about problems with their parents, particularly if they are feeling like they're capable of explaining things in a way that is considered fair. The events that preceded the battle are seldom to be seen. Look at every child as a contributor in this situation instead of trying to blame them. A good way to address the root cause of conflict lies in having everyone meet together, talking about how they all feel and coming up with useful ways for dealing with it more effectively in future. Don't forget, no Sibling is right or wrong in any fight. Good or bad. You must focus on compromise, conflict resolution and unity; your children will do the same. If sibling rivalry has you at your wit's end, take a deep breath and remember: It is natural, normal, and even inevitable. Let's focus on creating a secure, structured and connected home environment instead of trying to stamp it out completely.

Do your best to be a good listener. Both older children and younger children can be overbearing at times. You let them know that it is okay to feel conflicted about their siblings, and you can help them sort this out if you offer your child a safe space for discussion of his feelings. When you hear a child's story, paraphrasing his point in such a way as to demonstrate your understanding of that position irrespective of whether or not he agrees with it. You know the incident was hard on both children, because you put yourself into their shoes.

Most children get frustrated and upset when they're fighting. It can be stressful for parents to sort through all the details, but it's also true that a few moments of listening and respecting your children's feelings can have an enormous impact. Children will cooperate more when they are feeling heard, even if their emotions aren't necessarily a reason to behave negatively or aggressively. If your child starts to hit, reiterate that violence isn't tolerated and isn't acceptable. Tell them the only way to solve this problem is by using their words and you will hear what they tell you.

Give children problem-solving tools

Use conflict as an opportunity to give your kids tools for resolving future challenges so that you can avoid conflicts in the future. In order to show how, in a more favorable and appropriate way, they can play a role in compromising, sharing or handling this situation. It's one thing to tell children not to yell at each other, and another when they know how to defuse and resolve sibling conflict and rivalry. Through empathy listening and negotiation outcomes that result in mutual satisfaction for both sides, children are taught how to calmly explain the emotions and side of a story. It is good advice to let your kids handle the situation on their own when they are involved in petty sibling disputes. You're going to have to take action if this escalates. Before taking any action, give yourself a period to regain your composure so that you can practice good problem solving and calming down in times of conflict.

Make discipline private

If a spat between siblings results in the need for discipline, avoid making the conversation public. It can humiliate a child before their brothers and sisters, inciting more resentment among them. It's the time we teach a lesson, don't announce it.

Encourage Empathy and Kindness

Empathy and kindness are skills that can be taught. Kids are being taught how to recognize and understand the emotions of others. Be able to celebrate when your kids show compassion and kindness

Teach Calming Strategies

You can teach children to calm down with deep breathing, journaling, compression of the pillow or stress ball, etc. Remind them screaming, calling names, and hitting will only escalate the conflict. They'll be able to think of a useful solution if they slow down. Before solving this problem, your children may need to cool down for a while. Remove the children and place them in other areas of the house so that they could be calmed down when necessary.

Teach Assertiveness

The opportunity to teach children about assertiveness and boundaries is also provided by conflicts between siblings. Choose words which children can use to establish boundaries and learn from others how they would like to be treated. It is particularly effective when the children are tattling. Although tattling is frustrating for adults, it's a sign that your children trust you to help them solve their problems. It is likely our children will keep talking to us about their issues, even when they are teenagers, as long as we respond in accordance with this trust. Do not punish children for tatting and teach them to use words in times of conflict. The tattling will be reduced as they learn to act on their own.

Encourage Respect

You can encourage your children to respect their siblings and be there for each other, remind them of the behavior that's unacceptable. And when they need help in dealing with conflict situations, please make sure you are able to give it a hand. But don't try and make your children best friends, because it might infuriate them or lead to rebellion. Soothe yourself by the fact that lots of family problems are going to be solved in time.

The Takeaway

It's normal for children to get along one moment and despise each other the next. Use these methods in order to reduce sibling rivalry and regain the upper hand when it feels like things are getting out of hand. If you need to receive impartial, unjudgmental and skilled assistance that can guide you and your kids in the right direction, please ask for professional help. When each new conflict ends, it feels like you've won the battle until the next war comes along. But if you take time to think about and create a space for tackling every conflict between siblings, rivalry won't always be permanent. The more you're conscious of the importance of raising children, the less difficult it will be to manage a brother and sister conflict. In fact, your kids are always looking out for themselves and their own safety. Your children will learn to lean on each other and support one another as long as you lead by example, take time out of your lives to deal with any lingering animosity and encourage a sense of unity.